Qustions on God and Suicide



Qustions on God and Suicide

I don't know how to begin with this thread so I will get right into it.

I have been thinking about suicide. I am a woman in my late thirties who lives alone, never married, and has suffered from depression for years. It gets better at times, but then it gets a lot worse. I am tired of fighting it, and am having some other serious problems going on that I won't get into. The thing that is so bad now is that my whole connection with the outside world is the computer and now it looks like I'm developing carpal tunnel syndrome. I am gritting my teeth against the pain to type this- I cannot imagine a world where I cannot type to communicate with people or work on my writing. But I'm getting off the point.

Since I was raised a strict Catholic, I am a little worried about being stuck in a bad afterlife if I kill myself, you know, hell. I was really afraid of hell as a kid. I don't really believe in heaven or hell, but the truth is, if I go through with it, there is no going back. So I am wondering if there is any actual evidence that heaven and hell exist.

I didn't really want to come here, because I have had a lot of bad experience with Christians- I became a born again Christian in high school and years later found out that the youth leader who led me to Christ and was instrumental in developing my faith was really molesting children in his church for years. That was the start of my bad experiences with Christians, but not the last or most devastating one. I guess I wanted to give it one more chance.

I am thinking of hanging myself. I have everything ready and set. An article I read says that hanging is not too painful. All I have to do is tie the cord into a noose, put it around my neck, and step off the chair. Then I feel all my problems will be over. It's easy, but when I go into the bathroom with the cord, I hesitate.

I guess I just want to talk and listen to any responses that I get.
w ww.youtube.com/watch?v=qriwL2gU2fQ

The Devil is a liar and a murderer;

"You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Jn 8:44

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Jesus is the Good Shepherd;

"I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep." John 10:11

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out. John 6:37


Revelation 20:11-15

“Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.”

Revelation 21:8

"But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8

Revelation 22:10-21

And he said to me, “Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, for the time is near. 11 “Let the one who does wrong, still do wrong; and the one who is filthy, still be filthy; and let the one who is righteous, still practice righteousness; and the one who is holy, still keep himself holy.”
12 “Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to render to every man according to what he has done. 13 “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”
14 Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter by the gates into the city. 15 Outside are the dogs and the sorcerers and the immoral persons and the murderers and the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices lying.
16 “I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things for the churches. I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star.”
17 The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost.
18 I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues which are written in this book; 19 and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book.
20 He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming quickly.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
21 The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.

I was there once, make sure you know God in Christ Jesus. If you don't, you can expect hell and a full just sentence against you for every sin, which you will give an acount to the Lord for, not one will you not be sentenced for. Reality here is but a moment, eternity is forever. When we shut our eyes in this life, we open them forever, and they will be open forever. Tears of joy or weeping and gnashing of teeth. Confess your sins to Jesus. God to Him for mercy and forgiveness. There is no refuge from God, only in God, and that is hidden in Christ where there is no sin. Repent and Believe in the gospel of Christ. God sees.
Sorry to hear about any of your past with bad Christians! They are not TRUE Christians and I'm sorry that they have misrepresented Christ in His entirety. True Christians are LOVING and are willing to help out people in multiple ways. So these Christians that you have dealt with that are molesting children and have kicked you out of their counseling because you're a liability are not true Christians in my eyes. These are the type of people who should be bending over backwards to try and help you out! I know that if Jesus was still on this Earth He would! We all need to be more like Christ and show love to others.

I know that you mentioned you don't want to try another Christian counselor but I think I remember someone posting in your other thread that they know of good Christian counselors in your area. I highly suggest that you try out one of these counselors that are suggested. With the help of someone on here to lead you to one of those counselors is not out of pure luck; God has lead you to them. I would trust that this counselor can put you in the right direction and get you to loving life once again. I promise that is it possible once you turn your life towards the Lord.

I mean if you're thinking about suicide what do you have to lose right? I just pray and ask that you can give this one honest shot. I think that if you give it a whole-hearted shot that you might just be blown away and see how much the Lord really does care for you!

Also, in the other thread someone suggested that you email them for any help whatsoever. I also suggest that you take advantage of this! I know it might seem a little weird that someone is outreaching to try and help you and you've never met them before, but that just shows that they are a true Christian. These types of people are the ones that you want to surround your life around! They have a very positive influence on people and can help you tremendously! I just pray that you give the suggested Christian counselor and the email thing a try!! May God bless
This dear one has agreed to talk with my Beloved and me privately, and we've just started. This 'together journey' is clearly very important and together we need to get it RIGHT!

Continued prayer will be much appreciated for the three of us.

Thankyou, guys!!

- BM (with his Lady)
BM...so glad you and your wife are willing to do this for this precious soul. I am praying for the 3 of you.

God bless you,
You are loved by so many people! Especially by God!
I used to self-mutilate. And I actually did try to commit suicide. But guess what? God had some other plans for me. You're in your 30s, trust me, God's going to use you and he IS using you. He uses everybody in the "here and now."

Let's see how much God loves you, shall we?
First, he thinks about you ALL the time. He takes his time to know what you are doing! (Read Psalm 139) (Psalm 139 - PassageLookup - New International Version - BibleGateway.com)

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7)
^WOW, we can give him all that we struggle with and he won't go weak! He is here with us and he's ABLE to take care of your cares and worries. Try doing that to a person, and you'll get a negative outcome! But not with God!

"I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" (John 3:3)
You must be born again to enter the kingdom of heaven. The pastor who led you to Christ, seems to me he wasn't a Christian. He was WRONG. Not all Christians are like this. I promise you. <3

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).
^Imagine that! God loves YOU. He loves you as if you were the only person on this whole planet! And his love reaches to the heavens!!!!!!! How awesomely big is THAT?! That is His love for YOU.
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7).
^As humans, we fail to love. But God, his love is unfailing. It will never fail. It is here to stay! Remember that!!!! He loves you. He's IN love with you.
Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever (Psalm 136:26).
^You're stuck with his love. It's never going away :)

I know what kind of boat you are in. I have scars all over my body, I have thought of suicide and actualyl ACTED on it. But Jesus, he loved me SO much...he wanted me to stay on this earth. Why? Because He has a plan for me! And he has a plan for you! He really does. It's not time to end your life. You aren't God. God will decide when you will pass away. Go to Him. With all your sins and failures, just go to him and REST in his arms. You don't need to do anything!
XS, you've sure had a tough life too.

God bless you for "fighting" to get back to Him. Hold on. Life is not easy. God will not necessarily make it easy for you like some teach. Check out Hebrews 12:5-11.

Much love!

- BM
I called my counselor last night. She is not a Christian counselor - I hadn't been seeing her in a while, but she beeped me back right away. We had a long talk. I have an appointment to see her tomorrow. I promised her I would not do anything to hurt myself until then at least, and she told me that I had to be honest with her, that if I really couldn't deal with it, I had to go into the hospital. I do not want that, though she said its not really that bad. I promised her that I would be honest with her.

I also called my best friend last night. She was very concerned. She told me she was sorry that we hadn't talked in so long, that she stil care. Just that she has been so busy with her kids. She even said she'd come up and visit when she could.

Then I spoke to another friend I hadn't heard from in a while, and he actually invited me to a get together for new Years's eve, which is great because I had thought I'd spend New Year's alone.

Thank you all for all your support. I will keep posting on this thread. I just wanted to tell you that I am hanging in there and I think I'm going to be ok.
I am so sorry to hear this has been plaguing you for so long. All I know to say is that when you were born into this life, it was not by accident. God has a plan and a purpose for everyone that breaks forth from the womb. He controls the day you are born,who you are born to, and he also controls the day you depart this earth. I don't really understand how hanging oneself is a painless way to leave this world. If it is not your time to die, you will not die regardless of how bad a person wahts it to be. God decides that.

So many people attempt suicide and end up parapalegic for the rest of their lives. Even with hanging, there is a gasping for air, which I promise you is not painless. Have you ever almost choked to death on a piece of candy or etc, and could not breath? I did last Christmas on a Cherry Chocolate of all things. The juice being so thick I could not get any air when it went down my windpipe, and I knew I was close to death, when I, for some reason picked up a glass of water and tilted my head and swallowed a drink of water. The water diluted and thinned the juice enough to get a littlebit of air. I still struggled to get my breath for several seconds, but I know that I know it was an intervention from God, for me to pick up that glass of water. The last thing you want to do when you are strangling, is to try to swallow something else. It's horrendous. Your not dead until you take that last breath, and between any attempted suicide and death there is alway's some lapse of time, for suffering in some form to take place. No suicide is painless. Not all suicides are successful,and the consequences can be more then you bargain for. Suicide is not God's plan for anyone. No matter how you try to do it, or how many times you try, if it's not God's timing for you to die you will not die. You can't judge all Christians by other Christian's, because any Christian who would turn their back on you,or anyone regarless of who they are,or what circumstances, are Christian in name only.

For some reason God had led you to this site, and I promise you you will not have anyone on there turn their back on you, and not want to try to lead you through all this. A lot of it depends on you and your willingness to accept the truth you are being told here, and then putting what your being told it into practice, because you play a big part here also. You have got to open up your heart, and know that you know that what is being said to you is pure truth from the word of God. You just need to believe that love pours forth from everyone on here to you, because of their love for God.

God uses people, circumstances, and his word to speak to those who have come to the end of their rope with whatever. When you get to the end of that rope you will find the hem of Jesus garment, and just like the lady with the issue of blood, in the bible, all she had to do was touch the hem of his garment believing that what she heard about him was truth. When she did that and she opened up her heart to believe, so that she could receive ,she got her healing. It's the same for us today, because God promises us that in his word. EVery promise in his book is ours to hold onto and to receive, and that is alway's left up to us because God gives us the free will to choose or not to choose. He won't force anyone to ever do anything, but he will put people in your path to talk to you,but it is actually God who is trying to speak to you. That ,Sadly, is the only way many people will ever listen, so that they can hear from God. God never stops talking, it's we human beings that stop lilstening.

You have nothing to loose, and everything to gain by opening up your heart to hear what is being said to you here on this board of Christian believers. Like I said you didn't end up here by accident. That sweet ,dear, lady was also God talking to you, and trying to lead you, in what he desires for you, and his desire for every person is for us to prosper ( in our Spirit) and be in health even as our soul prospers. He said he came that we may have life and that we may have life in abundance. Apart from him that is not possible. He gave his life so that you would not have to give up yours. On the other post that you started first, I put one whole teaching on "Is the Bible true" , and also "Is there a Heaven or Hell". Did you read that? It is long, but I truly believe it will give you a lot to ponder over and check out for yourself. You owe it to yourself to take the time to go to the very first post you put on,and read all of that. You can live your whole life not believing there is a Heaven and a Hell, but it will be a terrible thing to find out that once your life is over, that all those thoughts were totally wrong, because in death all choices cease.
I decided to re-post what I put on the other post , so you would not have to go back and look it up. What is put here is all the Old Testament prophesies about Jesus and all that would transpire, which was prophesied years, before Jesus was ever born. That was many a hundred of years before any of them ever came true. Then there is also lilsted the New Testatment Scriptures where all these Old Testament prophesies were fullfilled. The odds of all this coming true they say are 1 in 1,000,000. That should tell us how true the Bible really is. If the Bible is true in all of this, then all that Jesus himself taught about Heaven and Hell must be true also. Jesus taught more about hell than anyone else in the Word of God.

Jesus described hell as an unquenchable fire (Matthew 3:12), a place of eternal fire, (Matthew 25:41) eternal punishment (Matthew 25:46), and as a place of torment, fire, and agony (Luke 16:23-24). Jesus taught specifically about hell many times in His ministry (Matthew 5:22, 29-30; 10:28; 18:9; 23:15,33; Mark 9:43-47; Luke 12:6; 16:23).

Please take the time to read all about these prophesies, and also read where they were fullfilled in the New Testatment.

I am going to re-post about Heaven and Hell existing for you also, so please take the time to read all that also.
You asked how to know if the Bible is true, and if Heaven ,or hell is real.
This is a long read but I have tried to answer all your questions with as much truth, as I can ,of what I have searched out for many others for years.

I'm thankful that you believe there is a God.

Some who argue that hell does not exist do so on the basis of their belief that Jesus taught love, peace, and forgiveness - and that He did not teach about an eternal place of fiery punishment for non-believers.

However, the exact opposite is true.

Jesus taught more about hell than anyone else in the Word of God.

Jesus described hell as an unquenchable fire (Matthew 3:12), a place of eternal fire, (Matthew 25:41) eternal punishment (Matthew 25:46), and as a place of torment, fire, and agony (Luke 16:23-24). Jesus taught specifically about hell many times in His ministry (Matthew 5:22, 29-30; 10:28; 18:9; 23:15,33; Mark 9:43-47; Luke 12:6; 16:23).

People across the world are asking, "Is hell real?" Can there really be a physical location of burning torment and punishment that is spoken of in the Bible? Only three in ten adults (31%) see hell as an actual location: "a place of physical torment where people may be sent.

The question of why hell exists has perplexed many people through the ages. Countless have asked, "If God is so good, why would He create a place like hell?"

This is similar to asking, "If our government is so good, why would it create prisons?" The answer seems simple enough - places like hell and prisons exist because some people will choose to do the wrong thing, and because of that, they need to be punished. It is fairly easy to understand how this reasoning applies to the existence of prisons, but does it really pertain to hell as well?

In the biblical Creation account found in the book of Genesis, no mention is made of a place called hell. Everything that God made during the time of Creation was good.

However, the Bible tells us in Matthew 25:41 that hell was later prepared for "the devil and his angels" (see also Isaiah 14:12).
God did not create hell for man; it was never His intention that any man or woman should go to hell.

In 2 Peter 3:9, we learn that God does not want "anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

Hell is a real place.

We know this from many verses in the Bible, several of them spoken by Jesus, Himself; and we know that the wicked and unrighteous will go there when they die.

So once again, we are back to the main point that God is good, and life in hell is terrible, so why would God create such a place?

Even though hell was initially created to hold Satan and the angels that fell with him, there will also be men and women in hell.

Hell is a place of eternal separation from God, and people go there when they die because they chose to separate themselves from God while living on earth.

God created us with the free will to make our own choices, and separating ourselves from God is one of the choices we are free to make.

Our free will is a wonderful gift from God in that He does not force us to love Him or to follow Him. Without our free will, we would be nothing but puppets or robots, which does not please God, and certainly does nothing to better our lives.

While God desires that everyone would choose to love Him, some people will choose not to. These people will die in their sins and be separated from God forever in hell.

God loves us so much that He respects our freedom of choice. If we choose not to love Him, then why would He want to force us to live with Him eternally in heaven?

Wouldn't living for eternity with someone we don't love be hell anyway?

God wants to spare those people who don't love Him from having to live with Him and be under His rule for eternity in Heaven.

"Is hell real?" is answered "no" by a lot of people. These people would like to believe that when we die, we don't go to a heaven or a hell, we simply cease to exist. However, wouldn't a God who sends us into nonexistence at death be just as "cruel" as one who allows us to freely choose our own destiny, which could be hell?

Even atheist Friedrich Nietzsche said that he would rather choose eternally conscious suffering rahter than non-existence.

God's perfect justice also demands that there be a hell to punish the unrepentant and wicked among us.

As Walter Martin said about the existence of hell and eternal punishment in his book, "The Kingdom of the Cults," "They make much to-do about God being Love but forget that because He is Love, He is also Justice and must require infinite vengeance upon anyone who treads underfoot the precious blood of Christ, who is the Lamb slain for lost sinners from the foundation of the world."

What kind of a loving God would He be if the wicked were never punished? Why would He have sent His Son to die for our sins, if we could reject that redemption and not eventually pay the price?

What incentive would we have to do good and love God if we knew we could reject His Son and choose to do evil all of our lives and never be punished? We would not want this lack of justice in the streets of our cities and towns, so why do we expect God to mete it out in the overall universe
Thumper, I read what you wrote and will consider it...though to be honest, I'm not, as yet, really convinced.

I have bad news. My ride fell through for my counselor, and I did not get to see her. She can't fit me in again until after Christmas. So it appears I am on my own. To top it off, I hurt my hand- just went back to the doctor- tendinitis. So I am told by him to stay off the computer for a week. It figures.

I keep having the suicidal thoughts. even though I am telling myself not to act on them, still they haunt me. I could almost believe there IS a devil- I am NOT hearing voices or anything like that but the way the temptations are coming at me is feels like its almost from outside me. I just keep thinking that suicide is the answer. I keep dwelling on the whole hanging thing.

I don't know how much I will be writing, but I will be reading your postings. There is a lot more I wish I could talk about, but I'm in so much pain, I have to stop writing.

Why, if God loves me, would I suddenly lose my counselor's apt, would I hurt my hand so I cant talk to you guys (it is in agony) and would I, just as I am thinking about hanging myself, run into an article that quotes a medical examiner saying that hanging is a quick and easy death? It sure seems like god, if he exists, is not answering my prayers!

I keep thinking about going into the bathroom and doing it. I keep thinking that it would be over quickly and then I'd be at peace. I am trying not to think of it, really I am, but I keep obsessing. I keep telling myself it won't really be as quick and easy as I think it will be. I keep telling myself I don't really want to die, but it is hard to believe that. I just want to give in and pick up that cord. The strangulatoin might be hard, but how long could it last. and then? Peace? I have a hard time believing it wouldn't be just nothingness.....

I have some movies on dvd I'm going to watch, maybe it will take my mind of things. I will try to keep checking replies.
This dear one has agreed to talk with my Beloved and me privately, and we've just started. This 'together journey' is clearly very important and together we need to get it RIGHT!

Continued prayer will be much appreciated for the three of us.

Thankyou, guys!!

- BM (with his Lady)
that's awesome <3
:smiley40: unregistered I am keeping you in vigilant prayer :smiley40: depression can be a terrible problem ,but you need to see a doctor and tell him what is going on . The thoughts and the feelings your having can and will subside somewhat if you receive the proper help . Please allow Jesus the Christ to be your "tree of life" and take in freely what he offers you :smiley40: he never promised that the cross would not get heavy at times ,but he did promise that he would see you through the worst of afflictions and distresses of life ,this may be a major one in your life but it is minor for a BIG AND LOVING GOD WHO CARES FOR YOU ALWAYS
I am still struggling with the suicidal feelings.

I want to ask you to help me make sense of something.

I have struggled with depression, as I've said, for many years. I became a born again Christian in high school. A great deal of things have happened between then and now to turn me into an atheist/agnostic.

When I accepted Christ, I thought all the pain would go away. People told me there was a "god shaped hole" in everyone's life, and if you found God, it would be filled. But it didn't work like that for me. I accepted Jesus, and the pain just got worse and worse. The Christians I knew in my life tld me that the problem was me- that I was a sinner, wasn't a real Christian, etc. Even though I really believed, I could not find peace.

Finally, I got so angry and fed up with the way people were treating me, as well as the fact that God did not ease my pain, that I became totally anti-Christian (this was in college) I went around ripping down posters from the Christian fellowship. I wrote blasphemous graffiti on the walls of school bathrooms (back then there were papers up there where you could write anything. Christians would write about Jesus loving pepole and I'd respond with offensive slogans) I was so totally against everything religious.

Then, with my depression , I had finally had enough. I decided to commit suicide. I tried to figure out how to do it, and I chose to hang myself. I had no access to a gun or knife, didn't want to risk pills- the method was just out of expediency.

Well, I was waiting for my roommate to leave for her home. No one was going to find me, no one was gong to stop me. I was wandering around the bookstore on campus. just killing time, when I opened some book. Not a religous book, just a random novel. I opened it up to a random page, and my eyes fell on something amazing. A man in the story was about to kill himself by hanging- and did not do it because "he did not want to be seperated from God for all eternity."

I couldn't believe it. It felt like God had just reached down and touched me.It was amazing, and not only did I not do it, I went back to my dorm room, got down on my knees, and cried out to god. I repented of how I had been. I called a Christian friend, the only Christian friend I had left, and she brought her bible and we just prayed for at least an hour, praising and thanking god.

Well, later I found out that I was bipolar- that the depression was NOT my fault, and that all the Christians who had told me it was were wrong. I had an illness.

You might think that after an experience like that, I would remain a Christian forever. But so much damage had been done by those people who had hurt me. I also had found out that the man who originally lead me to Christ (I think I mentioned this - he had been instrumental in developing my faith in high school) pleaded guilty to molesting children. After that, things got worse. I had other things happen, other bad experiences- experiences that are too painfult o talk about. I became the victim of another predator who used the church as his cover. I went to a Christian church for counseling, tellling them that I could not afford a counselor. They put me on a sliding scale. The counselor really helped me, even though we had only a few sessions. Then my depression got worse, and I attempted suicide. As soon as I got out of the hospital, the counselor called me. She said that the pastors had decided that I was a "liability" (her term) I might commit suicide, and then my family could sue the church. The church didn't have the proper "insurance." So I was cut lose- they didnt' even recommend another counselor. I had opened up to this woman and the pastor, had trusted them. This was one of the biggest churches in the state.

What finally drove me away from Christianity was the death of my grandfather. He was not a Christian. However, he was a wonderful man. So many Christians I had known were TERRIBL people- or were just plain old BAD people- judgemental, self-righteous, even cruel. Yet I am to believe taht he is in hell, because he was NOT a Christian- and these...HORRIBLE people..are going to be in heaven? I have so many non-Christian friends who have been kind, who have stuck by me, who have been so kind and patient- yet I am to believe they are all going to hell and the Christians I have met, who aren't worthy to tie their shoes, are going to heaven?

That is why I COMPLETELLY reject Christianity. That is also why I will NEVER accept it. I do not think.

What I am wondering about is this- and I want to ask for feedback. The last time I got majorly depressed, I was again thinking about hanging myself. This was a few months ago. Completley out of the blue, COMPLETELY out of the blue, just as I was contemplating it, I read an article on Yahoo news about a nurse who was talking patients into committing suicide. The article quoted him giving advice on exactly how to hang yourself so that it is painless. I remembered my past experence with stumbling across something on hanging right at a key moment.How was I to interpret this new experience?

Now I am struggling again...and I am committed to getting through it. But again, out of the blue, when I was feeling depressed but not even really thinking about suicide itslef, I stumbled across YET ANOTHER article where a medical examiner discussed a man who hung himself (this was a yahoo news article) and describes it as "not a bad death" The thing is not that I stumbled across these articles- that could happen to anyone. The thing was the timing.

What am I to believe. That God ONCE rescued me but has now turned his back on me? Or that these two new events are just conincidences- and so was the original one?

Where do I go from here? Now all I can think about is hanging myself, I know its part of my illness and I must fight it- but I am starting to feel like maybe that is what I am destined for.

Does any of this make sense? I want feedback.
:smiley40: unregistered I am keeping you in vigilant prayer :smiley40: depression can be a terrible problem ,but you need to see a doctor and tell him what is going on . The thoughts and the feelings your having can and will subside somewhat if you receive the proper help . Please allow Jesus the Christ to be your "tree of life" and take in freely what he offers you :smiley40: he never promised that the cross would not get heavy at times ,but he did promise that he would see you through the worst of afflictions and distresses of life ,this may be a major one in your life but it is minor for a BIG AND LOVING GOD WHO CARES FOR YOU ALWAYS
I got goosebumps!!!!!
It would most certainly not be "nothingness"!! I know that deep in your heart you do know that, hon! You're an intelligent lady, and while 'belief' is currently difficult for you, yup, there is a heaven and there is a hell. And anyone who willingly, knowingly ends up in THAT horrendous place, well... what can I say?

The thoughts that keep coming that you're struggling with can be from health issues, and most certainly can be from the devil. He is real, and is total EVIL. He HATES Christians, and tries everything he can to DESTROY us!! He HATES anyone getting help to become a Christian Believer as well. Ditto!! You said, "but the way the temptations are coming at me is feels like its almost from outside me."Dear one, this sounds EXACTLY how the devil tempts me and other Christians!!

I think it's highly possible that you ARE a Christian from when you got saved during High School. This would account for the ongoing temptations - and other things as well. (You know that hanging would NOT be quick, easy, OR nice. I hate that people on the Net are lying to you about this.)

Tons of love from us here!!

- BM
tried Ennobled

I'm really sorry. I started another thread. I shouldn't have. I should have just written it in this thread. I wanted to get off the constant talking about suicide and instead talk about the faith issues and my past, and I wanted a clean slate to do that..I PROMISE I won't jump threads again, I shouldn't have done that. I am waiting for it to post.

I really have lost my faith. I don't know if God exists, or even know if I would want to be in heaven with him if he does. Does that sound awful? I would much rather have nothingness. I only hesitate because if there is a .000001 chance of hell being real, I don't want to go there. It's all left over from my Catholic upbringing, where we were taught about the fires of hell before we could tie our shoes. What you learn as a child stays with you, even later in l.ife, when you think you know better. I mentioned on the other thread that many Chrstians have been horrible to me, but I assume because they are Christians they are going to heaven, whereas my grandfather, who was a wonderful guy but not a Christian, who died a few years ago, is, according to the Christian belief system, in hell. How is that fair? It isnt'. That is why I feel that if God exists, he wouldn't be like that.

And why would the medical examiner say that about hanging if it wasn't true? Maybe the pain would not happen because, according to the other article I ran across, there is a correct way to do it, which I now know. It has to do with the placement of the knot, he said. (note- I am NOT saying anything about this actual technique JUST IN CASE there is someone in cybrerspace who comes across this- I don't want anyone else to follow it)- I'll most likely make it through the night, but I feel like I eventually will fold and give in, one day, maybe in the future. Maybe that is just my fate.....destiny...whatever...or why would these feelings, this idea, be so strong?

Thank you for listening and letting me vent. I REALLY need to stop typing now, like the doctor said.
I wrote a long response to this, but it did not get posted. I don't know if it was censored (I don't know,it didn't seem worse than what I posted before, but maybe it was) or if there was something wrong with my computer.

I want to tell you that I started a new thread. I'm really sorry I did, I should have just stuck with this one, I hope you aren't mad, I will not 'jump threads' again- I just wanted to get off the suicide stuff and onto my actual faith issues. Though I am still struggling with the suicide as we speak. I will be ok for now.

Anyway, I thank you for replying.