Dear heart, I hear you, and I hear your inner cry. I well know that such a situation as yours can seem dire, but the sad fact is that many Believers find themselves in situations similar to yours. We cannot plot our course through life as we would wish. How our flesh wishes for it to be neat and tidy - and easy, or at the very least easier. We must take the Word of God as our guide, and in this instance it is very clear indeed (from the Amplified Bible**):
1 Corinthians Ch 7
10 But to the married people I give charge--not I but the Lord--that the wife is not to separate from her husband.
11 But if she does [separate from and divorce him], let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband. And [I charge] the husband [also] that he should not put away or divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I declare--I, not the Lord [for Jesus did not discuss this]--that if any brother has a wife who does not believe [in Christ] and she consents to live with him, he should not leave or divorce her.
13 And if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, she should not leave or divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart (separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination, and affiliated with the Christian people) by union with his consecrated (set-apart) wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart and separated through union with her consecrated husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean (unblessed heathen, outside the Christian covenant), but as it is they are prepared for God [pure and clean].
15 But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace.
16 For, wife, how can you be sure of converting and saving your husband? Husband, how can you be sure of converting and saving your wife?
God's word for you is verse 13. This is His command for you. Today in Western society we tend to do what WE wish for, ignoring His commands - and suffer badly for doing so. Belonging to Jesus means that ours is not an easy way. I've said numbers of times how I've now had 31 years of unbroken hardships. And from this I've come to realise that God is often FAR LESS INTERESTED IN WHAT WE DO, AND MORE MORE INTERESTED IN WHO WE ARE BECOMING. In my case I pleaded and pleaded and pleaded with Him to allow me to serve Him, but He continued to bring trials and triblations THROUGH WHICH I HAVE GROWN TO BE WHO AND WHAT I AM TODAY. But for all of that I'd not be here writing this, and we would never have met.
And even now with such wonderful friends and a teaching ministry that I could never have possibly imagined to have anything as incredible! - even now my heart is in India, a country of 1 billion people, most living in poverty like we've never seen, believing in false gods, having never heard the blessed words "Jesus saves", nor had anyone come to tell them all about Him.
I'm desperate to help. Over the years I've done so many things to try and serve this end, but nothing has been worked, nothing has been accomplished - except that I continued to learn and grow! And still I wait upon Him ,if it should be that He will allow me the joy of being able to get His precious Word to some - that we may be together with God forever. All I need to do this is some money, but we live on pensions for invalided people and so there is only $50 per month that we can give to help some dear souls hear the Good News. I want THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS for this, but like Paul said, I have been prevented! (No not by the devil; his power in my life is so limited. God's will has been that I not do this yet. And so I wait - learning more, growing in Jesus, becoming a little more like Him, growing further into the maturity it has pleased Him to bring me to.)
I wish I could give you 'an easy word', dear one, but I cannot. Your path is to grow in grace, and in commitment, and in love, and in obedience, in the situation you are in. Is this a tough call? Yes, it certainly is. But it's the gateway to heaven itself, there to live in His blessed Presence for all eternity!!!
With much love!
- BM
** In the Amplified all is translated direct from the Greek text EXCEPT words in square [] brackets. These are words that the translators know to be 'Scriptural', specifically placed there to help with understanding of what we are reading (often of great help). But please keep in mind at all times that they are NOT in the particular text you're reading. In early days, and even now, I may often tend to skip them, so that I'm reading the specific text, and that text alone.