The Worlds Greatest Problems

Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
Yes, two daughters 35 and 30. My youngest and her fiancé (soon to be husband even though I already call him my son in law), live here with me. While I was able to assist in their move, the time was now for us all financially. The day will come when I will need their assistance, and they are great at helping me now :)

Christian dating in my 50's is a difficult challenge, as most men I meet are divorced with young children (or several sets of children). Men say they dont want baggage, well women dont either :) I have horror stories from what kids do while their parents try to date. My car was once up on concrete blocks with the wheels no place to be found. I can go on and on. Teenagers are the worst...
 
Last edited:

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
Yes, two daughters 35 and 30. My youngest and her fiancé (soon to be husband even though I already call him my son in law), live here with me. While I was able to assist in their move, the time was now for us all financially. The day will come when I will need their assistance, and they are great at helping me now :)

Christian dating in my 50's is a difficult challenge, as most men I meet are divorced with young children (or several sets of children). Men say they dont want baggage, well women dont either :) I have horror stories from what kids do while their parents try to date. My car was once up on concrete blocks with the wheels no place to be found. I can go on and on. Teenagers are the worst...

I get it. No one in their 50s (or younger) is baggage free. My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. She is my third (or last) wife and we both came into this with children from prior marriages. Both our kids were fairly young, so no wheel jacking. It did come with baggage from both sides. At this point; however, the baggage has been lost by the airport of life.

I work for the public school system and attend a very large church (10,000 plus). I am surrounded by single women of good character. Maybe you are not casting your net on the right side of the boat?

rtm3039
 
Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
Casting this wider net you speak of, has also brought me this grief I speak of. A wrong partner might be an anchor that sinks the boat. The more I try, the more I find those that simply claim to be Christian's. Water seeks its own level, and actions speak louder than words. I would find happiness in a partner to share life with, but I am content with solitude as well. I do not need companionship, I want to be edified by a truly Christian union with someone that can walk the walk. Should I lower my standards? Maybe I should raise them even more, cause they are not mine but belong to my Father.
 

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
Casting this wider net you speak of, has also brought me this grief I speak of. A wrong partner might be an anchor that sinks the boat. The more I try, the more I find those that simply claim to be Christian's. Water seeks its own level, and actions speak louder than words. I would find happiness in a partner to share life with, but I am content with solitude as well. I do not need companionship, I want to be edified by a truly Christian union with someone that can walk the walk. Should I lower my standards? Maybe I should raise them even more, cause they are not mine but belong to my Father.
Yes, you speak of a risk everyone takes, when taking on a life partner. To be honest with you, after my second divorce, I had no interest in a third wife. I was married twice and had three kids. This one just happened without me looking for it.

I was very happy being by myself and, again, to be honest with you, it was a little difficult taking on two new kids to help raise. I remember the first time the wife (She lived in Miami, FL) and her two kids came to visit me in DC. I had a condo in Old Town and I kept it pristine conditions. I even buffed and polished the kitchen sink on a nightly basis. I use to vacuum every night, just so I could wake up in the morning and see the lines the vacuum left on the carpet. A day after the wife (fiancé at the time) came to visit with her kid, the house was a mess and remained that way until the kids became adults and mover away. (Yes, I had issues)

I guess we all have to manage the risk and decide what is within acceptable levels.

rtm3039
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major
Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
Indeed, and I am simply at a different place in life for the kid thing being mine are adults. Being accustomed to a great deal of leisure, solitude, and travel time, allowances to change for a partner are worth the reward. However raising children again isn't my cup of tea.
 

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
Indeed, and I am simply at a different place in life for the kid thing being mine are adults. Being accustomed to a great deal of leisure, solitude, and travel time, allowances to change for a partner are worth the reward. However raising children again isn't my cup of tea.
I get that too. Mine are all adults and we have five grandkids. For the moment; however, have one of the sons, his wife, and two of the grandkids living at the house. To be honest with you, I enjoy the insanity more than the quiet.
 
Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
Power to you my brother in Christ. I didn't do the kid thing very well even when mine were young. I thought a clean house, maintained yard, all bills always paid, food on the table, and a stable home was enough. They needed my time, which I had too little to give being a forced workaholic. Being a single parent was tough, and stretching my day was truly a talent. Some of us however, are not as talented in the child raising area. That's another world problem; bad parenting skills.

Im eternally thankful for my church family at the time. They picked up a lot of my slack.
 

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
Power to you my brother in Christ. I didn't do the kid thing very well even when mine were young. I thought a clean house, maintained yard, all bills always paid, food on the table, and a stable home was enough. They needed my time, which I had too little to give being a forced workaholic. Being a single parent was tough, and stretching my day was truly a talent. Some of us however, are not as talented in the child raising area. That's another world problem; bad parenting skills.

Im eternally thankful for my church family at the time. They picked up a lot of my slack.
I can only imagine how hard it must have been being a single parent; especially a single father. I do get the not being at home part. Raising a family is difficult and I too did not do a great job of being there. Thank God my wife was around, as she picked up the slack on a daily basis. As a fellow workaholic, I often times became consumed with my job and missed out on many significant family events. The good news is that, now that my kids are adults, we all have a good relationship with each other and no one appears to have regrets about times when things were not as good as they should have been.

Look at it this way, through the grace of God, we are here on Sunday. I am off to service and looking forward to meeting up with by church family for most of the morning and a bit of the afternoon. Work wise, this next two weeks are going to be harsh, but I now fully realize that my reward will not come from this earthly task and that I need to keep my head looking upwards and my feet moving forward.

God bless you, Bro.
 
Sep 3, 2009
12,602
5,183
113
Florida
Power to you my brother in Christ. I didn't do the kid thing very well even when mine were young. I thought a clean house, maintained yard, all bills always paid, food on the table, and a stable home was enough. They needed my time, which I had too little to give being a forced workaholic. Being a single parent was tough, and stretching my day was truly a talent. Some of us however, are not as talented in the child raising area. That's another world problem; bad parenting skills.

Im eternally thankful for my church family at the time. They picked up a lot of my slack.

Well...….I hear you and agree but the news is, when the kids are grown and move away, along come the grand kids.

Then we (Grandparents) find ourselves doing more for them than we did our children. One of my grand sons is graduation from high school this year and
guess who was asked to buy him a car???
 
Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
You are both truly blessed. Both of my daughters cannot have children. My youngest lost her baby after trying with IVF twice. Motherhood is still a great challenge for me daily. Its different because my eldest has so few memories of their father. My youngest has none. I had to wear so many hats I did not do any of them well except for provider. They always had what they needed but my time. Now as adults they harbor resentment still because of this.

I am female, btw.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
You are both truly blessed. Both of my daughters cannot have children. My youngest lost her baby after trying with IVF twice. Motherhood is still a great challenge for me daily. Its different because my eldest has so few memories of their father. My youngest has none. I had to wear so many hats I did not do any of them well except for provider. They always had what they needed but my time. Now as adults they harbor resentment still because of this.

I am female, btw.

Hm.... "I am twice a widow myself," okay, I win the stupid aware for the month of October. Well, that changes the rules a bit. It does force me to ponder this: I know of so many women who are single, some with kids, but all looking for a "good man." I know more single women looking than single men, so I am not sure how that works out.

At the end of the day, I do not believe we are meant to live alone. We are creatures of community. I know one guy (very close friend of mine) who has lived alone most of his life, but did have a wife and has four adult kids. He is a nice guy, but his baggage is his physical health. Just goes to show you that some of the things we value the most are the most insignificant. My buddy, Bob, is retired and has more money than he needs. In the past year, he has bought himself both a Corvette and a Mercedes; however, he is in a wheelchair and hardly ever gets the opportunity of doing much.

In the past couple of years, Bob has grown more angry with life (his particular version of life). A couple of months ago I suggested he try attending church and trying to meet people. His anger of religion is so grate that my suggestion almost ended a friendship of close to 30 years. I just hate to watch Bob journey, because he is also loosing the use of his right arm and, at some point, will need someone to help take care of him and he basically has no one. He has parents and several siblings, but he does not want to burden them with this. He is apparently not close to his kids, one of which lives within a couple of miles from Bob, but they sometimes go for years without seeing each other.

Live is really a handful.

rtm3039
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major

rtm3039

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 5, 2019
1,710
1,115
113
Miami, FL
You are both truly blessed. Both of my daughters cannot have children. My youngest lost her baby after trying with IVF twice. Motherhood is still a great challenge for me daily. Its different because my eldest has so few memories of their father. My youngest has none. I had to wear so many hats I did not do any of them well except for provider. They always had what they needed but my time. Now as adults they harbor resentment still because of this.

I am female, btw.
Well, to be honest with you, that's on them not you. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household. By dad was very selfish. He was a night club singer and worked all but Mondays. He had affairs, but was never abusive to me or my sister. He was emotionally abusive to my mom. I lived at home, until I enlisted in the military at 18. Growing up, my dad and I did two things together (went to one boxing event and one football game). In both cases, his friends talked him into taking me.

We now move the clock forward from 1978 to 2016. When both my parents were getting ill (mon with Alzheimer's and dad with congestive heart failure), I decided to retire from my government career and move back home to take care of them. My parents lived with us, until my mom's death in 2012 and my dad's in 2016. My mom's Alzheimer's meant that she had no idea who I was. I did get to watch how dedicated my dad had become to taking care of my mom and he and I grew really close. Not once did I allow the past to impact our relationship.

As an adult, we should all understand that our parents mostly just do the best they can. They are not perfect and sometimes the circumstances do dictate how people conduct themselves. During their last years on this earth, I became the parent and I am very glad they I was able to take care of them during their end times.

rtm3039
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major
Sep 7, 2019
561
434
63
56
North Carolina
I took care of many now gone, but they remain alive in my heart. Love never dies, only people do. Im happy our Lord blessed me with the ability, means, and desire to do so. My parents were two I repeatedly moved back and forth to NY to help take care of, while still trying to live my own life. In my mothers final years we had home care helping, as it was too much physical strain. She had a stroke that left her paralyzed on the right side.

Life is certainly a handful indeed. I survive through the strength of Christ in me. Might we all shine the light he has given us.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major and rtm3039
Sep 3, 2009
12,602
5,183
113
Florida
I took care of many now gone, but they remain alive in my heart. Love never dies, only people do. Im happy our Lord blessed me with the ability, means, and desire to do so. My parents were two I repeatedly moved back and forth to NY to help take care of, while still trying to live my own life. In my mothers final years we had home care helping, as it was too much physical strain. She had a stroke that left her paralyzed on the right side.

Life is certainly a handful indeed. I survive through the strength of Christ in me. Might we all shine the light he has given us.

May the Lord bless you. I know exactly where you are coming from.

My wife and I took care of her mother for 6 years as she also was paralyzed after a stroke. Both my father and hers passed quickly with heart attacks.
Then we had my mother at home with us for her last 10 years.

She had dementia and memory loss and it was certainly a challange.
 
  • Like
Reactions: thenami
Sep 3, 2009
12,602
5,183
113
Florida
Well, to be honest with you, that's on them not you. I grew up in a very dysfunctional household. By dad was very selfish. He was a night club singer and worked all but Mondays. He had affairs, but was never abusive to me or my sister. He was emotionally abusive to my mom. I lived at home, until I enlisted in the military at 18. Growing up, my dad and I did two things together (went to one boxing event and one football game). In both cases, his friends talked him into taking me.

We now move the clock forward from 1978 to 2016. When both my parents were getting ill (mon with Alzheimer's and dad with congestive heart failure), I decided to retire from my government career and move back home to take care of them. My parents lived with us, until my mom's death in 2012 and my dad's in 2016. My mom's Alzheimer's meant that she had no idea who I was. I did get to watch how dedicated my dad had become to taking care of my mom and he and I grew really close. Not once did I allow the past to impact our relationship.

As an adult, we should all understand that our parents mostly just do the best they can. They are not perfect and sometimes the circumstances do dictate how people conduct themselves. During their last years on this earth, I became the parent and I am very glad they I was able to take care of them during their end times.

rtm3039

I hear you brother. My parents taught me how to treat my children by how they did not treat me. As I have grown older and wiser, I know that how they acted was how they were treated by their parents.

In all my early life, playing little league base ball, high school football, basketball and baseball, my father came to ONE game. My mother did not attend any of them.

I received a scholarship in baseball and the only time my father saw me play was when our pastor shamed him into attending.

Now, with my children and grandchildren, I made it a point to attend every event that they were involved in.
 
Sep 3, 2009
12,602
5,183
113
Florida
You are both truly blessed. Both of my daughters cannot have children. My youngest lost her baby after trying with IVF twice. Motherhood is still a great challenge for me daily. Its different because my eldest has so few memories of their father. My youngest has none. I had to wear so many hats I did not do any of them well except for provider. They always had what they needed but my time. Now as adults they harbor resentment still because of this.

I am female, btw.

Time is important.

To most children, me included, I think the ones we wanted to impress the most was our parents. I think that deep down we all think that if we can show our parents that we can do things......play sports, sing in a choir, play in the band and so forth, we validate that we are somebody and that we are going to be successful.

My parents did not give me any time at all and for a long time I resented them for it. It has taken a lot for me to forgive them but I have.
 
  • Like
Reactions: thenami
Dec 19, 2014
6,421
2,723
113
New Zealand
www.literatelibrarian.com
I'm picking up this thread cos I find it interesting and ppl have posted new things since I was here last.

I agree that one of the biggest problems facing world today is breakdown of families, specifically parent/child relationships.
In fact this is close to God's heart, which is why He sent his only son Jesus to die for us so we could be reconciled to our Heavenly Father.

Before Jesus, people did not relate to God as a Father. The Israelites were scared of Him. They didn't think He loved them, in the way a Father loves his own children. Adam and Eve tried to hide from Him. In the Bible He had to be obeyed without question or there were terrible consequences. People just couldn't see that it was because He loved his creation.
 
Aug 9, 2020
315
72
28
33
BIRMINGHAM
What do you think the worlds greatest problems are? Pollution, corruption, war, or food/water shortages? Over population maybe?
I think man's greed, and the lack of faith in God is a good place to start. Please post your polite personal philosophies you would like to share, and discuss.
To me the biggest problem is spiritual decline.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Major