Sometimes i feel a bit of guilt. I am grateful I have a job that afford me the opportunity to pay my bills. So thankful for that. Other than the fact that the environment is toxic. Deep down I feel this nudge, that I am wasting my time. Everyday I come to work I feel this nudge. I know I shouldnt be here but then I don't now how to get out and i mean, the job pays my rent so that gets a little confusing. I feel the nudge but what I am i suppose to do now? What is God trying to tell me? Which direction is he trying to take me? So many questions

I dont think it's wise to leap unless I have something to leap into. You see I am a planner. And so i get anxiety when there is no plan, hence the reason I can't just leave. But God has this in his hands. And i guess sooner or later I will see what he was trying to do all along
"Phoenix111,
I get it. I am a planner too. Up until January 11th, I had it planned out until I thought I was going to retire (10 years from now). You should have seen my spreadsheet. I had it all figured out, but just assumed things would not change. On January 12th, I deleted the Excel worksheet, because everything had changed.
I tell you a funny things about God. My loss turned be back towards faith (which, I might add, was made a whole lot easier with the help of some of the folks in this forum). As some of us here have discussed, God got tired of knocking on the door and just decided to blow the door off its hinges. I applied for over 120 jobs and got very few bites. It got so bad, that I started to use a resume that did not list all of my education and experience. I have three master's and 37 years of experience, but was turning in resumes with only a bachelor's degree and I went back (experience) for only 10 years..
When I interviewed for the position I now have, I was sure I had blown the interview, So sure I was of this that I texted the wife and told her I would not see a second interview. By the time I got home from the first interview, I had an email waiting and telling me I had made it to round two. I did much better in round two, but was sure I did not do well enough to recover from what I thought was a horrible round one. I know God had a hand in this, because, during the second interview, most of the questions I thought I had blown in the first interview were asked again and the second board did not include anyone that was on the first board. A week later, I got the job offer.
Now I have been there for almost two weeks and have gotten to know some of the people who were on the board that interviewed me. As it turns out, according to them, I did such a good job in the first interview that they already knew I would be recommended. Go figure.
Now I tell you this. During my tribulations I asked God for many things. Many were far beyond what He promised to do for us. As you know, He promises to get us through it, not fix it. With NOT a single exception, God granted me everything I asked for - I MEAN EVERY THING. He did not just forgive me for my sins and welcome be back home, looks like He went beyond what I had expected and took care of every single need (and want) I had. And, it's still going. One of the "things" I asked God for help with, back in March, he just answered yesterday.
Every morning, with out fail, I get up, go outside, and have a moment with my Lord. I give thanks for the many blessings he has given me, tell him what I have planned for the day, and how I would like the day to end. At night, as the last thing I do, I go back outside and we go through my day. I again thank Him and look forward to doing it again the following morning. Some times, I even pray while I am going to sleep and during my drive to and from work.
Look, I know that my particular tribulation has ended, but it's only a matter of time until my next tribulation. This is just how life it. There will come a time when what I ask for will not be possible, but I now know how my story ends and I like it.
In my darkest hours, I found God, I was saved, found a church I really feel good about, am now a member of their volunteer security team, am part of two bible study groups, and am waiting to join their prison ministry. I found a job that includes less hours (7 to 3 vs. 7 to 5); pays me more than I need; I get to spend most of the time in the field; and, out of the 120 jobs I applied for, this was the one I wanted the most. God is good and I will never take that for granted again!
rtm