Oh yes...ever hear of the term, 'the hound of heaven'?
I received Jesus as a child, but in my early teen years after my parents divorced and I moved from Ohio to San Diego, I fell into terrible sin. It started out as listening to heavy metal rock. I started out listening to "seemingly" harmless bands, but this led to listening to bands like Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd. When I was 14 or 15, I started drinking beer, and at 15, I started smoking pot. By then I was rockng to AC DC Highway to Hell. Eventually, the drugs and the music got harder: LSD, Meth, and Black Metal (satanic metal). I also become a blasphemer and hater of God, and I hated when Christians told me that what I was doing was wrong. I had become a sin loving, God hating fool. I also became involved in other sins, that I am too ashamed to even mention, and are probably better left unsaid anyways.
Despite the fact that I had done everything in my power to shut God out, He was still "chasing me down" as Euphemia described it. At times I would be in the middle of doing something sinful, and I would get a strong conviction. But I would always ignore it and keep doing what I was doing.
I also developed an ignorant fascination with the occult. I believe that the drugs, satanic metal, and me trying to dabble in the occult (even though I had no idea what I was doing) was basically opening the door for satan. I began to feel like an evil presence was always around me, and it scared me. I developed phobias. I never wanted to be alone and I was afraid to turn out the lights when I went to bed, because I felt like something was there in the room with me.
One day I decided that I was living like a fool, and decided to change my ways. I had not repented or turned back to God, I just wanted to stop being such a rotten person. I wrote a letter to my mother apologizing to her for all the rotten things I had done and how I had hurt her, and went to bed filled with hope. I felt so happy inside. But suddenly, I was gripped with paralyzing fear. I saw apparitions floating above my head, and felt like demons were trying to enter my body. At that moment, I remembered the God of my childhood, and I began to rebuke them in Jesus' name. It wasnt something I thought about, I just started doing it. They seemed to flee instantly, and my fear was gone. But I suddenly heard the still small voice saying something like "if you don't get your heart right with me, they will only come back. So I prayed for Jesus to "come back in so they wouldnt", and suddenly my eyes were opened. In an instant I saw my sinfulness as God sees it and my heart broke over the ugliness of my sin and how I had despised God and hurt everyone (especially Him) who had ever loved me.. I cried out, Lord please forgive me and I will do whatever you want me to do" A tremendous peace and joy flooded into my soul, and I have never been the same.
All the condemnation and fear and hopelessness was GONE!
The whole point is this....when I read the Bible, I get the sense that if I had died before that night, I would have split hell wide open. The Bible says fornicators, liars, sorcerers, etc will not inherit the Kingodom, and I was all of these and more, so I believe had I died in that condition, I would have perished. But God didnt leave me there. He was still "hunting me down" seeking for me. And when my darkest hour came, and I called upon Him, He came running and not only saved me from my enemies, but clothed me in a new robe, put shoes on my feet and a ring on my finger. Because God never stops loving us. But we must take heed that our love does not grow cold as mine did.
So we can be both confident in His Love, but we must also fear lest we ourselves become hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Confident in His Love, and vigilant against our own weakness. The Spirkt is willing but the flesh is weak, wathc and pray lest you fall into temptation.