True, but it is not always that way. My ex and I get along just fine. We don't interact often, not that the kids are grow up, but we did not use the kids as weapons.
Bullying...why?
- Thread starter Lanolin
- Start date
Not saying people use kids as weapons (um, how?) but that they don't like being unsettled and not knowing where's home. Also it wasn't just about you, just divorces in general.
I've been around enough children of divorced parents to know how much it hurts. Kids won't always show it at home, but it shows up at school. They will pretend everything is fine when it's not. They'll act one way with one parent, and act another way with another.
If one parent just ups and leaves, and never comes back, then somehow that is actually easier than totally moving house or splitting up time between parents. Also it's the time before divorces and splits that is anxious because nothing is settled. Then court appearances and stuff. That is a HUGE stress to place on children. Some parents don't bother to get divorced at all. They just separate.
split parents then only know their child when they are with them but half the time they are not and they will act completely different with the other parent. And when those parents are questioned, they don't know all the stuff their children are into, they have no clue, because they can't talk to the other parent about it.
I've been around enough children of divorced parents to know how much it hurts. Kids won't always show it at home, but it shows up at school. They will pretend everything is fine when it's not. They'll act one way with one parent, and act another way with another.
If one parent just ups and leaves, and never comes back, then somehow that is actually easier than totally moving house or splitting up time between parents. Also it's the time before divorces and splits that is anxious because nothing is settled. Then court appearances and stuff. That is a HUGE stress to place on children. Some parents don't bother to get divorced at all. They just separate.
split parents then only know their child when they are with them but half the time they are not and they will act completely different with the other parent. And when those parents are questioned, they don't know all the stuff their children are into, they have no clue, because they can't talk to the other parent about it.
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I sometimes look after a girl who's parents are divorced, the split when she was 2 so she's kinda used to going back and forth between them. Now she's 16.
When she's with her mum her mum seems to be on her case a lot, as there are no other siblings.
But when she's with her dad, she's with her two other step sisters, and often has to look after the youngest.
She's having a rough time of it at the moment because her mum and dad have totally different parenting styles. Her mum tends to treat her daughter as still a baby, but of course you don't do that with teenagers! They like to be a bit independent and will resent you when you over parent them or treat them as willing slaves.
The dad, well, it seems he's the one that needs looking after! Lol. So she's like the mum with him.
Divorced families have complicated relationship dynamics. More complicated because the parents don't talk to each other, so neither really knows what's going on with the other.
When she's with her mum her mum seems to be on her case a lot, as there are no other siblings.
But when she's with her dad, she's with her two other step sisters, and often has to look after the youngest.
She's having a rough time of it at the moment because her mum and dad have totally different parenting styles. Her mum tends to treat her daughter as still a baby, but of course you don't do that with teenagers! They like to be a bit independent and will resent you when you over parent them or treat them as willing slaves.
The dad, well, it seems he's the one that needs looking after! Lol. So she's like the mum with him.
Divorced families have complicated relationship dynamics. More complicated because the parents don't talk to each other, so neither really knows what's going on with the other.
I found a book that's a bit recent called 8 Keys to End Bullying.
It's published in the US and it's interesting now there is legislation against bullying in schools in place in the States.
It's not really the case in NZ although there are programs in place.
Anyhow next term I'm not looking forward to the change in lunch times when everyone is all together because thats when most bullying takes place, amongst older to younger children. We had a good term when the classes were separated and formed more buddy systems where they looked out for each other. I was also able to have a decent break.
Bullying takes place when adults aren't around to stop it. But even worse is when adults do nothing and perpetuate it.
since I posted her last the divorced family was going through another upheaval when one of the daughters went to live with her step-mum and step-sister instead of her dad, who apparently was beating her up for being naughty that the police had to intervene and get a restraining order. The two sisters don't seem to get along and the step-daughter is sleeping in her step-mum's room - cos there is no other bedroom. As far as I know the mum is out of the picture and never taken care of her own daughter as seems like she is on drugs.
This is the stuff that happens a lot of the time in divorced families.
It's published in the US and it's interesting now there is legislation against bullying in schools in place in the States.
It's not really the case in NZ although there are programs in place.
Anyhow next term I'm not looking forward to the change in lunch times when everyone is all together because thats when most bullying takes place, amongst older to younger children. We had a good term when the classes were separated and formed more buddy systems where they looked out for each other. I was also able to have a decent break.
Bullying takes place when adults aren't around to stop it. But even worse is when adults do nothing and perpetuate it.
since I posted her last the divorced family was going through another upheaval when one of the daughters went to live with her step-mum and step-sister instead of her dad, who apparently was beating her up for being naughty that the police had to intervene and get a restraining order. The two sisters don't seem to get along and the step-daughter is sleeping in her step-mum's room - cos there is no other bedroom. As far as I know the mum is out of the picture and never taken care of her own daughter as seems like she is on drugs.
This is the stuff that happens a lot of the time in divorced families.
Our school district has policies against this "bullying," but it is often times abused. Too often employees are merely just being held accountable for their lack of performance by supervisors who just lack a certain level of "political correctness." Supervisors have to spend too much time walking around this claim, to prevent the claim. I know, because I am one of those supervisors who has to constantly walk around the issue to avoid a claim of being a bully.
I have one employee who has had performance issues since I took over. In dealing with her, which has included me putting her on a 90 day performance improvement plan, I have had to "play nice" constantly. It is so bad that I can't even use the word "fail" when she clearly fails. I was discouraged from "counseling" her via e-mail, despite the fact that we have been working remotely since March 2020. The issue was that they were concerned she could use the e-mails to claim my counseling was bullying. So, how did this turn our? Her 90 day probation period ends on April 30, 2021 and she will be terminated at the end of the school year (June 30). Personally, had I been able to call a "fail" a "fail," the end results might have been different.
Under today's standards, I can say that I was bullied as a child. This went on until I was in 5th grade and realized that I possessed the height weight, and strength to confront my bullies (George and Eddie). Once I stood my ground, the bullying was over. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was walking home from school and both George and Eddie followed me and started to push me around. I was able to run away and made it home. My dad was home and saw what happened. He grabbed me by the neck, took me back outside, and would not let me leave until I fought back. I did, I won, and that was the end of me being bullied.
As for divorces, I know too many instances where parents use their children as tools to hurt the other with. When I got divorced, I was in the military and, because of his, the x-wife has custody of the kids. It was hard to see them on a regular basis, as we did not live in the same area and I often times was deployed overseas. When I was stationed in the US, I usually saw them once a year when I would pick them up and they would spend part of the summer with me. A couple of years after our divorce, the "x" got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter. Her biological father wanted nothing to do with her. Once Mackenzie started to talk, she just started to call me "dad" because her brother and sister did. The "x" and I agreed to not tell "Mac" that I was not her real dad and I the started picking her up for the summer as well. Throughout their lives, especially since they became adults, by relationship with all three is much stronger than their relationship with their mother. Throughout their "growing up" years, the "x" tried using them as tools to get to be, but I just never allowed her the power to do so. This even included right after the divorce, when she told our son that the reason I was not there was because I had died.
Rtm
I have one employee who has had performance issues since I took over. In dealing with her, which has included me putting her on a 90 day performance improvement plan, I have had to "play nice" constantly. It is so bad that I can't even use the word "fail" when she clearly fails. I was discouraged from "counseling" her via e-mail, despite the fact that we have been working remotely since March 2020. The issue was that they were concerned she could use the e-mails to claim my counseling was bullying. So, how did this turn our? Her 90 day probation period ends on April 30, 2021 and she will be terminated at the end of the school year (June 30). Personally, had I been able to call a "fail" a "fail," the end results might have been different.
Under today's standards, I can say that I was bullied as a child. This went on until I was in 5th grade and realized that I possessed the height weight, and strength to confront my bullies (George and Eddie). Once I stood my ground, the bullying was over. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was walking home from school and both George and Eddie followed me and started to push me around. I was able to run away and made it home. My dad was home and saw what happened. He grabbed me by the neck, took me back outside, and would not let me leave until I fought back. I did, I won, and that was the end of me being bullied.
As for divorces, I know too many instances where parents use their children as tools to hurt the other with. When I got divorced, I was in the military and, because of his, the x-wife has custody of the kids. It was hard to see them on a regular basis, as we did not live in the same area and I often times was deployed overseas. When I was stationed in the US, I usually saw them once a year when I would pick them up and they would spend part of the summer with me. A couple of years after our divorce, the "x" got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter. Her biological father wanted nothing to do with her. Once Mackenzie started to talk, she just started to call me "dad" because her brother and sister did. The "x" and I agreed to not tell "Mac" that I was not her real dad and I the started picking her up for the summer as well. Throughout their lives, especially since they became adults, by relationship with all three is much stronger than their relationship with their mother. Throughout their "growing up" years, the "x" tried using them as tools to get to be, but I just never allowed her the power to do so. This even included right after the divorce, when she told our son that the reason I was not there was because I had died.
Rtm
That's terrible rtm.
Divorce is so complicated isn't it.
I had a girl who got kicked by a boy in the library when I wasn't there. I had to close the library in their lunchtime and LOCK it so nobody would go in when I wasn't there. If they begged me to open it I would refuse.
I told the girl if he's around and threatening her tell him to leave and if he doesn't listen give him a MEAN face and then he'll go. The boy seemed to be having problems with everyone and a hard time at home - but the teachers were looking into it.
It is a drag having to constantly supervise and break up fights and squabbles but things can get out of hand if you aren't around. Sometimes it's your presence as an adult that makes the difference.
Workplace bullying is different because of the power issue. Supervisors cannot be bullying their underlings and many people just don't know how to manage others so resort to bullying. This is why everyone wants equality in the workplace. People get so tired of being pushed around and told what to do as if they don't have any brains. It's all about learning to work TOGETHER.
Divorce is so complicated isn't it.
I had a girl who got kicked by a boy in the library when I wasn't there. I had to close the library in their lunchtime and LOCK it so nobody would go in when I wasn't there. If they begged me to open it I would refuse.
I told the girl if he's around and threatening her tell him to leave and if he doesn't listen give him a MEAN face and then he'll go. The boy seemed to be having problems with everyone and a hard time at home - but the teachers were looking into it.
It is a drag having to constantly supervise and break up fights and squabbles but things can get out of hand if you aren't around. Sometimes it's your presence as an adult that makes the difference.
Workplace bullying is different because of the power issue. Supervisors cannot be bullying their underlings and many people just don't know how to manage others so resort to bullying. This is why everyone wants equality in the workplace. People get so tired of being pushed around and told what to do as if they don't have any brains. It's all about learning to work TOGETHER.
We (school) are having a 'pink shirt day' on Friday 21 May.
Apparently this is to stop bullying.
But I don't know why the shirts need to be pink.
I don't think bullying is gender-based or to do with homophobia at all.
It's more big people pick on smaller people - cos they can.
What do you think. I don't work on Fridays so won't be there. I do have a shirt that has pink flowers on it. I sometimes wear pink clothes, and nobody ever made fun of me, but the other day I was wearing my normal clothes and a girl asked me why I was wearing my pyjamas.
uh, they are not my pyjamas. I do however wear slippers at work.
I once wore some long socks and some guy said I looked like a prostitute though. I'm like well that's just your dirty mind. I wear them to keep my legs warm. Unlike the people that wear those really short socks that don't even cover their ankles?!
Apparently this is to stop bullying.
But I don't know why the shirts need to be pink.
I don't think bullying is gender-based or to do with homophobia at all.
It's more big people pick on smaller people - cos they can.
What do you think. I don't work on Fridays so won't be there. I do have a shirt that has pink flowers on it. I sometimes wear pink clothes, and nobody ever made fun of me, but the other day I was wearing my normal clothes and a girl asked me why I was wearing my pyjamas.
uh, they are not my pyjamas. I do however wear slippers at work.
I once wore some long socks and some guy said I looked like a prostitute though. I'm like well that's just your dirty mind. I wear them to keep my legs warm. Unlike the people that wear those really short socks that don't even cover their ankles?!
Bullying...why?
Many reasons, but I believe the #1 reason is 'insecurity'.
If they knew God and believed He was on their side, they'd have no reason to bully others.
I have a hard time being nice to a bully
(maybe I'm one. 
) .
Many reasons, but I believe the #1 reason is 'insecurity'.
If they knew God and believed He was on their side, they'd have no reason to bully others.
I have a hard time being nice to a bully
(maybe I'm one. ) .I heard lots of schools had 'pink shirt day' on Friday, though its the first time since I've been at this school they had it, last year we were in lockdown and I don't recall the year before.
Some of the teachers were doing role plays on what to do if someone bullies you. I think it's good to learn these skills because bullying can take you by surprise. I always tell children to call people by their own names, that they wish to be called, not the names they have made up or labels.
it is totally disrespectful to address someone as 'girl' or 'boy' or 'it' when they have a name. Its never ok to bully and put people down. Everyone has intrinsic worth.
Some of the teachers were doing role plays on what to do if someone bullies you. I think it's good to learn these skills because bullying can take you by surprise. I always tell children to call people by their own names, that they wish to be called, not the names they have made up or labels.
it is totally disrespectful to address someone as 'girl' or 'boy' or 'it' when they have a name. Its never ok to bully and put people down. Everyone has intrinsic worth.
I agree. So especially as Christians we must practice love in our lives. Our part in stopping bullying is to act in love toward all we come in contact with, IMHO. Beyond that we can only work within the society we live, trusting in God's help and guidance. I also believe we must take ownership of our own actions and give the actions of others and the judgment of actions of others to God.
Bullying is definitely not an act of love, so we know God doesn't desire us to bully another.
Ok I was just re-reading this thread
I'll get on to some scriptures later when I had a think on it
Just wanted to update on whats been happening in my school...or not. Well at the moment we are all in lockdown! So I haven't been in school for over a month, and it's likely this term is a washout.
Two teachers decided to do buddy reading with their classes in library time and it was really successful. We had the year 5-6s buddy up with year 3-4s. The older students were taught to find books for their younger buddy to read with, and introduce themselves to each other, and have some reading time together. The teachers designated the buddies (so they were not choosing their own)
It was pretty amazing and everyone was gladly on task..there wasn't any competitiveness, and they could make friends with whoever they were reading with. It gave the older children a sense of accomplishment because they were further along in their reading than the younger ones and could help them. And the younger ones felt they could be supported and helped and they didn't always have to go to a teacher.
Also though we had TWO classes in the library it didn't seem like it was overcrowded because everyone was actually doing their task, they'd find some books and sit down on the floor or cushions together and read. I don't think anybody missed out. They could have groups of 3 and that would work as well, or they could even pair with me. (which I often do in lunchtimes)
I have often told the older ones go help a junior find a book..or help them return it. And the older ones then having a task to do are focussed and then don't get up to mischief trying to get my attention lol.
I'll get on to some scriptures later when I had a think on it
Just wanted to update on whats been happening in my school...or not. Well at the moment we are all in lockdown! So I haven't been in school for over a month, and it's likely this term is a washout.
Two teachers decided to do buddy reading with their classes in library time and it was really successful. We had the year 5-6s buddy up with year 3-4s. The older students were taught to find books for their younger buddy to read with, and introduce themselves to each other, and have some reading time together. The teachers designated the buddies (so they were not choosing their own)
It was pretty amazing and everyone was gladly on task..there wasn't any competitiveness, and they could make friends with whoever they were reading with. It gave the older children a sense of accomplishment because they were further along in their reading than the younger ones and could help them. And the younger ones felt they could be supported and helped and they didn't always have to go to a teacher.
Also though we had TWO classes in the library it didn't seem like it was overcrowded because everyone was actually doing their task, they'd find some books and sit down on the floor or cushions together and read. I don't think anybody missed out. They could have groups of 3 and that would work as well, or they could even pair with me. (which I often do in lunchtimes)
I have often told the older ones go help a junior find a book..or help them return it. And the older ones then having a task to do are focussed and then don't get up to mischief trying to get my attention lol.
Ok here's an anti-bullying scripture to meditate on. From Matthew 20 (KJV)
A Mother's Request
(Mark 10:35-45)
20Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. 21And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. 22But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.
24And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren. 25But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. 26But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; 27And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: 28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
A Mother's Request
(Mark 10:35-45)
20Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. 21And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. 22But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.
24And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren. 25But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. 26But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; 27And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: 28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
So it's the mother bullying her way past the other disciples to get her sons to get front row seats? Worshiping Him as a pretense to boot?
Amen, bullying isn't going to get you to the top. Bullying is also cursing others for their looks, moral beliefs and even faith.
Young people are also known for bullying elderly. We must be very mindful of our disrespect for human life because God is always watching. In the case of Elisha it was God who judged the young boys.
2 Kings 2:23-25, 23 He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. 25 From there he went on to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria. - ESV
This is a big part of the problem. The world is made up primarily of unbelievers and as such don't see things through God's word. As Christians we are the ones to set the right example acting in love. At times we will be required to suffer for righteousness sake as others attempt to bully us and we react in love instead.
I think bullying is a pride issue.
While bullying isn't really listed as a sin as such, it seems it stems from pride.
The world is very big on Pride. People are constantly told to 'be proud of themselves' "make parents proud' and there are even pride parades! Companies put on their logos 'proudly made' or 'Proud to be' while children are exhorted to 'take pride' in their achievements.
It is literally everywhere you look.
How many times I have heard that my little country is proud to 'be on the world stage'. Or that the All Blacks or whatever sporting team has won something and that we as a nation should be proud.
Rugby is pretty much an accepted version of the game bullrush where basically, people run and each other to try and flatten them down and get the ball to the other side....the other team tries to block the others from achieving this. This is pretty much how unbelievers see the world works in their lives. To be on top, you pretty much have to push through (i.e. be a bully) and kick/tackle/flatten everyone out of the way.
While bullying isn't really listed as a sin as such, it seems it stems from pride.
The world is very big on Pride. People are constantly told to 'be proud of themselves' "make parents proud' and there are even pride parades! Companies put on their logos 'proudly made' or 'Proud to be' while children are exhorted to 'take pride' in their achievements.
It is literally everywhere you look.
How many times I have heard that my little country is proud to 'be on the world stage'. Or that the All Blacks or whatever sporting team has won something and that we as a nation should be proud.
Rugby is pretty much an accepted version of the game bullrush where basically, people run and each other to try and flatten them down and get the ball to the other side....the other team tries to block the others from achieving this. This is pretty much how unbelievers see the world works in their lives. To be on top, you pretty much have to push through (i.e. be a bully) and kick/tackle/flatten everyone out of the way.