Growing older gracefully

rtm3039

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What my wife and I have been noticing is that here in the US, at least, many older people seem to need to keep working just to get by. And I am not talking about continuing to work to keep active or just to interact with others, but at jobs where they are challenged physically.

We have Social Security and other programs, and there are homes for the elderly, but we don't seem to value our elderly and care for them.

One is often finding out about homes that mistreat their residences while they appropriate most or all of their savings and income.
When my parents were at a point where I knew they needed help, I retired, move back to Miami and bought a house large enough so that they both could move in with us. Both lived with us, until their last days.
 
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Dec 19, 2014
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I heard in the US, in places like LA and especially Hollywood, there arent any many elderly at all because their culture values youth above everything else. The elderly have to move to special places to retire and the young just dont want them around. Its really sad.

But then LA is a place where you go to move away from everywhere else, like new York is a place to make money, its not in anyway really geared for extended family living. Even suburbia is only built for younger families with children and its baseed on the school and the commute to work. Theres no room for granny flats and theres no concept of family compunds like how people lived in the olden days as a village together or in houses where all the family could be together.

Apartments in the city are for workers and generally they also have another place to escape to on the weekends. Elderly shouldnt be living in apartments in high rises but thats what they are building now for them. I shudder at the times they need to have fire drills cos they will be slow going down stairs and the lifts wont always work.
 
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Just to add when I went to north america I thought the suburban houses were huge. But their people didnt seem to think so. My uncle in canada had a huge house and when his sons got married and his wife died he was all by himself so he moved into a elderly apartment complex. But I just wondered why he didnt move in with one of his sons, one had an apartment and one had a family home with two grandsons. Surely there must have been some room in the family home cos Ive seen average houses in canada they are huge. The sons chose the apartment for him and said hed be happier there with other elderly people he could talk to in chinese. But I dont think so I think elderly people actually want to see their grandchildren rather than be around their peers all the time.
 
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Maybe the right question was to ask you to define "older." Looks to me like you are defining senility and not age. People like well into their 80s and can still take care of themselves. I guess it all depends. My dad worked well into his 80s and he still drove his car and did everything for himself. Granted, he lived with us, but he took care of himself almost all the way until his death. Actually, as I think about it, he was only not able to take are of himself during the last 30 or so days of his life.
The same was with my father. He was able to do almost anything he wanted to do until about 2 or 3 months before he died.
 
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When my parents were at a point where I knew they needed help, I retired, move back to Miami and bought a house large enough so that they both could move in with us. Both lived with us, until their last days.
Same here!
 
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What my wife and I have been noticing is that here in the US, at least, many older people seem to need to keep working just to get by. And I am not talking about continuing to work to keep active or just to interact with others, but at jobs where they are challenged physically.

We have Social Security and other programs, and there are homes for the elderly, but we don't seem to value our elderly and care for them.

One is often finding out about homes that mistreat their residences while they appropriate most or all of their savings and income.
The Asian culture toward the elderly is very different than it is in the western culture.
 
Sep 3, 2009
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Maybe the right question was to ask you to define "older." Looks to me like you are defining senility and not age. People like well into their 80s and can still take care of themselves. I guess it all depends. My dad worked well into his 80s and he still drove his car and did everything for himself. Granted, he lived with us, but he took care of himself almost all the way until his death. Actually, as I think about it, he was only not able to take are of himself during the last 30 or so days of his life.
OLDER is when you need someone to help you to the bathroom.
 
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OLDER is when you need someone to help you to the bathroom.
But that is the same for young people esp toddlers.

People do say when people go senile they have their second childhood.

Its kind of like aging in reverse and they lose memory and become like children. But I think you need to be pepared for that because if you dont ask for help then you just going to wet yourself and you dont want to do that. Even children learn to ask for help because its better that you ask when you need it then refuse to and make a huge mess.
 

rtm3039

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I heard in the US, in places like LA and especially Hollywood, there arent any many elderly at all because their culture values youth above everything else. The elderly have to move to special places to retire and the young just dont want them around. Its really sad.

But then LA is a place where you go to move away from everywhere else, like new York is a place to make money, its not in anyway really geared for extended family living. Even suburbia is only built for younger families with children and its baseed on the school and the commute to work. Theres no room for granny flats and theres no concept of family compunds like how people lived in the olden days as a village together or in houses where all the family could be together.

Apartments in the city are for workers and generally they also have another place to escape to on the weekends. Elderly shouldnt be living in apartments in high rises but thats what they are building now for them. I shudder at the times they need to have fire drills cos they will be slow going down stairs and the lifts wont always work.
Lanolin, it is hard to have this conversation without a common point of reference. You keep using the term "elderly," but what does that mean? 60, 65, 70, etc. Also, your comment "The elderly have to move to special places to retire and the young just dont want them around. Its really sad" is just wrong on so many levels. For the most part, this country is controlled by mostly white men way over 60.

What in the world is a "special" place the "elderly have to move to;" Florida?

Ok, I did not know this, but now I do. It does appear that California is ranked 45th in US states with a population of people 65 or older (12.87%). However, while they are 45th as a percentage of the total population, they are number 1 when looked at as hard number of people living in the state. Florida is number 1, with an over 65 population of 19.06% I was tempted to say that this was due to the weather; however, the state at number 2 is Maine with 18.25%.
 
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Lanolin, it is hard to have this conversation without a common point of reference. You keep using the term "elderly," but what does that mean? 60, 65, 70, etc. Also, your comment "The elderly have to move to special places to retire and the young just dont want them around. Its really sad" is just wrong on so many levels. For the most part, this country is controlled by mostly white men way over 60.

What in the world is a "special" place the "elderly have to move to;" Florida?

Ok, I did not know this, but now I do. It does appear that California is ranked 45th in US states with a population of people 65 or older (12.87%). However, while they are 45th as a percentage of the total population, they are number 1 when looked at as hard number of people living in the state. Florida is number 1, with an over 65 population of 19.06% I was tempted to say that this was due to the weather; however, the state at number 2 is Maine with 18.25%.
Retirement homes.
They cant continue living in the homes where they raised children. Because their children leave and then they cant cope maintaining a home. And people are too busy to live with them.
Maybe its because Florida is flat and friendly to retirees. I dont know.

You have got to stop thinking your country is everyone elses country. It doesnt rule the world. I am basing my observations on what I experience in my country and if i do refer to yours I will say so. I was talking about people in LA..its not necessarily meaning everyone. People in holllywood that are old and wealthy retire in places like Palm Springs thats what I heard.

In nz there are entire towns where its retirees. But the new trend is that retirees want to stay with their families not move far away, which is why apartments are being built for them. Although having said that, many of the new apartments I worked in where occupied by rich retirees coming over from the UK.

Urban Retirees that move to their own lifestyle block in the country are kinda setting themselves up for isolation I think and dont really think how it will be when they cant drive anymore should anything happen to them. They kind of just thought it would be a long holiday but its actually MORE work maintaining a large property for just two people.
 
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Anyway am not talking about things such as downsizing etc.

But how people become more graceful as they grow older. I think it can only come from God, as He gives us His grace. I know that I am still alive by the grace of God! So it makes me thankful. I also think family is important to me. While independece is often touted as the be all and end all so that everyone can just live by themselves, reality is that we all need each other. No man is an island.
 

rtm3039

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Retirement homes.
They cant continue living in the homes where they raised children. Because their children leave and then they cant cope maintaining a home. And people are too busy to live with them.
Maybe its because Florida is flat and friendly to retirees. I dont know.

You have got to stop thinking your country is everyone elses country. It doesnt rule the world. I am basing my observations on what I experience in my country and if i do refer to yours I will say so. I was talking about people in LA..its not necessarily meaning everyone. People in holllywood that are old and wealthy retire in places like Palm Springs thats what I heard.

In nz there are entire towns where its retirees. But the new trend is that retirees want to stay with their families not move far away, which is why apartments are being built for them. Although having said that, many of the new apartments I worked in where occupied by rich retirees coming over from the UK.

Urban Retirees that move to their own lifestyle block in the country are kinda setting themselves up for isolation I think and dont really think how it will be when they cant drive anymore should anything happen to them. They kind of just thought it would be a long holiday but its actually MORE work maintaining a large property for just two people.
I can only based my opinions on what I know. But, since you were talking about "LA," I assume you meant the LA in this country, right? You describe a world I know nothing about. I am Hispanic and we do not discard our elderly family members. Both my parents lived with me, until they died. Around here, since Miami is largely Hispanic, most elderly people live with their children and take an active part in the family unit.

Not really sure why you are fixated on Hollywood, CA. This is a town that is only 3.5 square miles (9.1 square kilometers). It has a population of around 85,000 and about 92% of the people there rent. Taking into account the unique nature of this town, it is not an accurate representation of anything.
 

rtm3039

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Elderly or senior citizens generally refers to people over 65 years. That is the age they can receive the pension, and the age that we younger people can access our savings (called kiwisaver in my country)
Lanolin,

This kiwisaver is kind of like our Social Security (kind of, but not really). We can apply for these benefits at age 62; however, full retirement depends on when you were born. For me, it's 66 years and 10 months. Also, if you wait until you are 70, the amount you get back greatly increases. For us, this is a supplemental to our retirement and hopefully people have also invested in a work base retirement plan or a private plan. Few people, that rely only on Social Security, can make it on their own. The amount you end up getting depended on many variables, to include the age you start collecting and the average yearly salary you had over the many years that you have worked. The max you can get, at 70, is $3,770. If you retire right at the retirement age (66), the max is $2,861 (4038.02 NZD).

Here, in the Kingdom of the United States, about 15.6% of people are 65 or older. This is expected to increase greatly. Of this population, about 20% work past 65 (10.5 million). I am actually a bit surprised it's only 20%. I guess this all depends on what you do and your health. For me, work is not actually work, as I really enjoy what I do. It is not physically demanding (no heavy lifting) and I consider it more "run" than "work."

The decision on where to retire, again, here in the Kingdom, depends on many variables. While the wife and I live in Miami, FL, we are NOT going to retire here. My wife has a large family that lives in Memphis, TN. Three of our five kids like in Missouri (which is right next door). We will be relocating to Memphis (Good Lord willing) for several reasons: The state does not tax military retirement, the cost of living is really low, we have family there (mostly the wife's) and the medium income is much lower than it is here. Also, I am 7 years older than the wife, so we will move to Memphis when I retire, but she will just relocate and be a teacher there. Even when I do "officially" retire, do not plan on actually retiring. Again, good Lord willing, I will probably teach as an adjunct or do some "side job" as a consultant. The bottom line is that it is all up to God and I just get to go along.

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I can only based my opinions on what I know. But, since you were talking about "LA," I assume you meant the LA in this country, right? You describe a world I know nothing about. I am Hispanic and we do not discard our elderly family members. Both my parents lived with me, until they died. Around here, since Miami is largely Hispanic, most elderly people live with their children and take an active part in the family unit.

Not really sure why you are fixated on Hollywood, CA. This is a town that is only 3.5 square miles (9.1 square kilometers). It has a population of around 85,000 and about 92% of the people there rent. Taking into account the unique nature of this town, it is not an accurate representation of anything.
Im just saying because LA or hollywood is where most of the movies and tv in america are made or produced, which is what most people actually see on screen. Its supposed to represent american life. But its actually only a glamourised version of it and as such is totally unrealistic.

If you know anything about nz it might be because you saw it either on TV or a movie.

I think the only movies or tv made about older people in america where programs like golden girls or driving miss daisy.

I always thought that the retirment village I worked in Would make a great tv drama series since so much drama happened in it. People have this idea that older people dont have much interesting lives. Probably perpetuated by screen stereotypes that favour the young and glamourise and unwrinkled. This is the town in which people get botox cos they scared of wrinkles and where they dye their hair cos they ashamed of it going grey.
 
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Lanolin,

This kiwisaver is kind of like our Social Security (kind of, but not really). We can apply for these benefits at age 62; however, full retirement depends on when you were born. For me, it's 66 years and 10 months. Also, if you wait until you are 70, the amount you get back greatly increases. For us, this is a supplemental to our retirement and hopefully people have also invested in a work base retirement plan or a private plan. Few people, that rely only on Social Security, can make it on their own. The amount you end up getting depended on many variables, to include the age you start collecting and the average yearly salary you had over the many years that you have worked. The max you can get, at 70, is $3,770. If you retire right at the retirement age (66), the max is $2,861 (4038.02 NZD).

Here, in the Kingdom of the United States, about 15.6% of people are 65 or older. This is expected to increase greatly. Of this population, about 20% work past 65 (10.5 million). I am actually a bit surprised it's only 20%. I guess this all depends on what you do and your health. For me, work is not actually work, as I really enjoy what I do. It is not physically demanding (no heavy lifting) and I consider it more "run" than "work."

The decision on where to retire, again, here in the Kingdom, depends on many variables. While the wife and I live in Miami, FL, we are NOT going to retire here. My wife has a large family that lives in Memphis, TN. Three of our five kids like in Missouri (which is right next door). We will be relocating to Memphis (Good Lord willing) for several reasons: The state does not tax military retirement, the cost of living is really low, we have family there (mostly the wife's) and the medium income is much lower than it is here. Also, I am 7 years older than the wife, so we will move to Memphis when I retire, but she will just relocate and be a teacher there. Even when I do "officially" retire, do not plan on actually retiring. Again, good Lord willing, I will probably teach as an adjunct or do some "side job" as a consultant. The bottom line is that it is all up to God and I just get to go along.

View attachment 4355
Lol I never heard of the United States referred to as a Kingdom. Isnt that treason to your President? Next thing you know you will be wanting to join up with Canada.
 

rtm3039

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Lol I never heard of the United States referred to as a Kingdom. Isnt that treason to your President? Next thing you know you will be wanting to join up with Canada.
Good morning Lanolin, I get what you are saying.

For the record, while this was not the case many years ago, today hardly no TV or movies are actually filmed in Hollywood or California. Most are not filmed at locations throughout the world and/or other states. As for movies about older people, there are countless made about "older people:" Off the top of my head and movies that I've seen lately are. All of these are about people dealing with getting old:

The bucket list (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bucket_List)
Space cowboys (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Cowboys)
Somethings gotta give (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Something's_Gotta_Give_(film)
Grand Torino (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gran_Torino)
Unforgiven (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unforgiven)
Heartbreak Ridge (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartbreak_Ridge)
Trouble with the curve (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trouble_with_the_Curve)
 
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rtm3039

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Thanks for info RTM although the figures are going right over my head at the moment.

So...do you think the Lord will help you grow older gracefully? I sure hope so for myself.
Lanolin, that is a very very good question. I sure hope so, but I am not sure. This will be something I will ask God to guide me through.

Keep in mind that I have lived a life that has required me to be very aggressive. All I have ever done is either serve in the military or work in law enforcement. As a result, I naturally take change. I am now 60 and, by the grace of God, am still doing what I do. My kids, who are all in their late 20s or early 30s, still come to be for advise or to "fix" what they have broken. Just yesterday, I spent a couple of hours talking with my oldest son, who seldom makes a career move without first calling and asking me for my opinion.

While at present I am who I have always been, I know that there will come a day when age will require me to become someone else. When the day comes when my age (or health) will be the reason I cannot do something, I really do not know how I will deal with it. Being humble has never come easy for me (still unable to differentiate between being humble and being confident). Last year, I took on a position where I was not the person in charge. Up until then, I have been the person in charge and it has been like that since early 1987. I just thought it was time to let someone else be in charge. I am enjoying not being in charge, but turns out that I still kind of am. My supervisor is a fantastic person and just turned 35. She instinctively asks for my opinion and, when she is not around, keeps asking me to represent the office at meetings. I am good with that; however, there are two other people who have been with my agency much longer than I have, but just don't show any desire to step up to the plate.

Anyway, I could go on for a while, but 8:00 AM is coming soon and I need to get ready for church. The bottom line is that I do pray for the ability of growing old gracefully, but I am still working on what that actually means. So, I first ask the Lord for the wisdom of knowing what growing old gracefully means and then the strength of doing it.

rtm3039
 
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I know as people grow older, they may start losing their vision or hearing.
As someone who reads lots, maybe I will need Large print books or listen to audio books.

I am also an active gardener. I know when people get older, they cant bend down as much. I dont tend to bend down like I see other doing I safe my back and squat. Raised garden beds and pots are used by elderly to save their backs.

Another thing is bath time, I love my bath time, but I know when people get older they maybfind it hard to get in and out of the bath. Some kit out their bathrooms with handles and non slip mats, or have walk in showers.

This is just the physical aspect of things. But i do know if you keep your joints well oiled, thins like athritis arent a problem. I learned this when I was on drugs that dried out my nerve endings and affected my joints. i felt so old!

In terms of character when people grow older they either forget the bad times or hold on to them. i had many bad times wehn I was younger but I have learned to deal with them and let go of them. Nobody should have to deal with my baggage of the past which stays in the past. So I make the effort to look forward to each new day, cos I know ive been forgiven . Thank you Lord for helping me.